I don't have a lot of time right now because I spent it all playing with elder clark, but I had a week that was awesome and I want to tell you about it. It's kinda of a followup from last week and everything that I was feeling there, it's just kinda a lot more clear to me now and I had some way cool experiences along with it. So imma just dive in.
We were about to have another splits and I think I was just feeling the pressure that everyone expects you to have success and to help others, and I was afraid in a sense, and tired of the whole thing. My prayers that night were some of the most honest I've ever had with God. I came to the point where its not that I didn't have a testimony, I was just done. I give up. Its not worth it. I've tried for almost 2 years to not compare myself to others, and it still happens. I've tried for almost 2 years to have results and good things happen, and it just doesn't seem like i'm getting anywhere. Let it be known I was having a hard time.
Wendnesday, was amazing. I woke up, and for studies I did a free write in my journal about all the different thoughts I had. I knoew that I needed Christs atonement. I didn't want to give up. I needed help to really want to be here still though. A mission is literally the best thing ever. But for many reasons it gets really really hard at times. Sowas gods day to prove me wrong. I was feeling quite a bit better after a good studies, and when we went out, I honestly wasn't really sure what would happen. I honestly felt like I had lost faith in myself. Not neccesarily god. More just me. God kinda proved me wrong though. Or at least he lifted me up when I felt like I couldn't go any farther. In the 3 or 4 hours we spent on the streets that day, I don't think i've had any more success in my life. In terms of quantity anyways. And in a lot of ways quality too because most of them were norwegians. We knew exactly where to go knocking. We knew who to talk to, and we knew what to say. I and I learned a very important lesson that it is really God that is behind everything here. Not that I didn't know all these things before, but by the end of the day I felt great. And it only got better when I stuck my head out the window, and saw a streak of northern lights that night. We busted out of the apt. and ran to the nearest hill so we could see them better. They were still just off in the distance but they were still really cool. All in all by the end of that day I just felt Gods love. Thats what I bore my testimony about in sacrament meeting. I knew that what i've done is enough. It was an amazing experience where God just picked me up and took me forward.
12. WE go out with a member after grabbing a sandwhich and teach some old people while we're half falling asleep. The first lady asked for a blessing and we were able to do that for her. She has had her husband die just recently, and now she cant walk. But God does take care of us. He always helps us. She said that its really him that knows whats going to happen and what we can do. I was in complete agreence. Be at peace with what you have. Reap the peace that comes from your faith.
11 the lights have stopped. I'm going to bed. Heavenly father, thanks for the awesome day. :)
That run taught me one of the coolest lessons on my mission. EVERy single time I wanted to give up. God said: NO. Not yet. Don't give up yet. Just keep going a little more. K i'm out of time. There is sooo much more!
The two black ninjas challenged the white ninja in our apt. needless to say, my closet door got broken, and our apt. got trashed in the fight. We went all out :)
And At the end,after talking with olea, I know why i'm here. Sort of :) I'm doing what God needs me to do. And I feel great about it. The whole rest of the week was amazing. WAy cool finding. random referalls.
I love you mom!
I'll send some pic!